Part one focused on resilience, a character trait is often tested by life’s challenges. Part 2 has helped me develop my own resilience, test your own limits first.

There is no better way to overcome life’s challenges than to be able to reflect on instances that one has risen above in the past. For instance, when I am upset about my apartment needing a fix; it could be worse- I could be living out of my car again. When I’m scared about moving somewhere new, I cling to each time I’ve managed it before. Starting a PhD has been the most terrifying move I’ve ever made, but I remember the fire that was ignited when I was forced to drop out of school as an undergraduate and how grateful I was just go back to class. Every bad day and overwhelming challenge is a little easier to face if you can remember a time you have overcome before.  Resilience is a trait that can be developed, trained, and strengthened over time. As with everything else, practice makes perfect.

Sometimes testing your limits is within your control. (i.e. Taking a new job. Buying a new house. Starting a family. Moving.) Sometimes its not (i.e. illness, death, losing a job). I’ve learned that testing your own limits first is an exercise in stepping out of your comfort zone, adapting to change, feeling struggle and working your own way out of it. If you are brave enough to test your own limits first, you’ll be better off when your limits are tested in situations beyond your control.

If you’re lucky enough to never run into a tragedy beyond your control (very lucky..) there’s another way to develop resilience; being there for other people suffering. Listening to struggle and strife and learning from other people that overcame life’s challenges is critical to developing your own resilience when life comes at you. Although I have many examples of people that have inspired me to be more resilient, one in particular sticks in my mind and also happens to have a TEDxUF talk to go with it.

When I met Jennifer Aponte it was very clear she had already overcome many challenges just by looking at her. Although I’m unsure of what Jennifer’s official diagnosis is, she jokes that she ‘was expected to be a vegetable, but this piece of broccoli is doing just fine’. When Jennifer tells her story, she recalls time after time that she had to overcome serious challenges beyond her control. Cancer. Immigrating. Fighting for an education. Adopting a child. After working as a lawyer in Puerto Rican government, Jennifer left everything she knew to be a parent, something she could only attain in the state of Florida. Eventually, Jennifer was able to adopt a child with special needs. Her TEDxUF talk is her attempt at sharing her own lessons learned being an ‘overcomer’, and her daughter is lucky to have this type of support and learn such lessons from a person that has developed such resilience.

Jennifer is incredibly outgoing, positive, confident, and uplifting. She brightens her day through her love for makeup and now she works as a makeup artist. She works hard as a mother and is there for her daughter through each medical emergency, testing and passing on her own resilience to her child. One time, I told Jennifer how much she inspires me. I told her that even though I’d had a hard day, her ability to push through and be incredibly positive reminded me to be resilient. Her response was amazing. “I’m not inspiring, I just keep living.” Without a shred of being a victim or bitterness, she reminded me that resilience means pushing through and it can get you through literally anything life throws at you. Getting to know Jennifer has given me lessons in resilience I may not have ever learned otherwise and I’m fortunate to have her as one of many examples to draw from when I feel overwhelmed and weak.

Other people I draw inspiration from when life hits you with things outside of your control include Kassie Williams, who overcame breast cancer at the age of 29 with newborn twins. Kala Pierce, who overcame losing her mother while we were in high school. My mom, Ronnie Dickes, who took care of her sick daughter, mother, and husband while battling her own breast cancer. My grandma, Sylvia Miller, who went into prison camp on her 21st birthday and survived two years of rape and starvation to get married (in prison camp) and start a family. Taylor Buchanan, who somehow is managing to get a PhD as a new single mom. Courtney Bennett, who lost her young, beautiful daughter to a senseless murder. Elizabet Ronaldsdottir for raising 5 children as a single parent while conquering Hollywood as a pioneer in the film industry. Each of these women have overcome and thrived, despite all odds, and my single sentence does NOT do their journeys justice. Just know that their strength and resilience is awe-inspiring and unforgettable. I hope each of us have the opportunity to learn from such examples of resilience.

Take home: Testing your own limits builds resilience. Take note of how others have overcome such challenges. Strengthen your own resilience and conquer. 

 

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